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  • Writer's pictureVanessa Leite

In the hope

You like poetry. And I tried. I tried to count the syllables; I wanted to make them rhyme.

But I'm prose. I live through a flow.

It was such a weird time, and I was fleeing from my life because I couldn't stand the coffee shops, trees, and streets. And while running away, you found me.

I was living in an odd situation and felt I had no control. I was in a bad place and didn't want to drag you down. But everything happened so fast, and suddenly it was not about you or me. There was an us and a hidden space where this us could exist.

And you tried a constant reminder that we were not meant to be. "I control my feelings; can you do the same?" But I don't understand the point of controlling feelings instead of letting them free.

I don't want to justify or explain whatever happened. It was such a great story, and it brought me hope. I've never seen so many colors in black and white.

And I believe we had exactly what we needed, and there's not much left to say. Too many words were spoken, things I've never thought I would say out loud. Moments I felt my heart stop, and I got scared of who you were seeing. Am I changing to you?

I just wanted to tell you how I was happy and thankful. I was brought to myself, feeling grounded but wondering if it was real. I was so not ready, and apparently, you weren't either.

It is funny how surprised I was with the result of it. Didn't I learn from mathematics that two negatives make a positive?

Everything felt so right and so wrong, like a recipe for disaster. When I was by your side, there were no thoughts, no doubts; I was drowning in dizziness. How could I lose my senses that way? I know it sounds too much, but don't worry; I know it is not love. With no name, it is something else: a set of local minima moments followed by encouraging words. Maybe that's it. I am feeling derivatives.

With my eyes closed and no levity, I would say yes to you again. You're the best I've never had.

And there is no shame, no blame, and I just truly hope that you have felt the same.



And that's me, trying poetry 🫠😅

You like poetry. And I tried. I tried to count the syllables, I tried to make them rhyme.

But I'm prose. I live through a flow. I have no moderation, I want to see things glow.

Some things are not meant to last. We just live through them.

It is not about you or me. Was it maybe a hidden gem?

Some things happen too fast. And maybe we have no control.

But what's the point of avoiding feelings? I rather let it roll.

I don't want to give explanations or justify what we've been through.

But it was great, don't you think? It was really out of the blue.

I've told you how happy I was, how happy it made me feel.

I felt so grounded. Was it really for real?

Who knows what life will bring, we were ready in some way.

That's the path we had to live. There's not much I can say.

I'm scared I opened up too quickly. But glad I didn't try to flee.

Why do I trust you blindly? I don't know what I expect you to see.

Isn't that a catastrophe recipe?

By your side, I don't think. I know it sounds mad.

Don't worry; I'm not crazily in love. It's a local minimum in bed.

Eyes closed, no levity, you're the best I've never had.

I'm here just saying there's no blame or shame.

And that I truly hope you have felt the same.

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